Two weeks ago, in this column, I wrote an article titled “Gender-Based Violence Is Not a Women’s Issue – But Are Men the Problem”?
In the said piece, I wrote about the need to treat GBV with equal urgency and equal seriousness; violence perpetrated against men with the same emergency we rightly accord violence against women, especially during the recently concluded 16 Days of Activism.
I was clear then, and I remain clear now that women have borne the heaviest burden of gender-based violence.
Global data supports this. The World Health Organization estimates that one in three women worldwide will experience physical or sexual violence in their lifetime.
When Gender-Based Violence Targets Men and Boys
In Kenya and across the region, national surveys repeatedly show women are disproportionately affected by intimate partner violence. That truth is not in dispute.
But acknowledging this reality does not mean men and boys do not experience gender-based violence. It also does not mean their experiences should be mocked, celebrated, or erased.
Studies suggest that one in six boys globally experience some form of sexual abuse before the age of 18, yet male victimization remains among the most underreported, largely because of stigma and ridicule.
Several years ago, when I was in high school, we had a cateress. She was older than us, but still young compared to or teachers.
In an all-boys school, almost any woman stood out. During idle time, boys talked, mostly bravado, mostly fantasy. Some were infatuated, others joked, others stayed quiet about her.
We never really acted on those fantasies. They were adolescent thoughts, nothing more. But one boy did.
In our final year, it was alleged that a boy, also a head prefect, had been found with the cateress. According to school management, the two were involved sexually. The boy was suspended for half of Form Four. The cateress was fired.
The story became legendary. The boys celebrated his “conquest.” He was a hero. That moment taught us early that when boys are violated, society calls it a win.
Boys, Abuse, and the Dangerous Culture of Celebration
More than fifteen years later, history repeated itself, this time online, and much louder.
As the world reflected on GBV during the 16 Days of Activism, a viral video emerged from Zimbabwe.
The video allegedly showed a 33-year-old mathematics teacher and a 16-year-old male student in an intimate encounter.
The teacher, widely reported as Zvikomborero Maria Makedenge, was later arrested.
According to reports surrounding the case, the boy allegedly recorded part of the encounter himself and posted it online.
He is said to have claimed that he had been invited to the teacher’s home under the pretext of receiving extra mathematics lessons.
The video spread rapidly across social media, drawing national attention and sparking debate about professional boundaries, child protection, and teacher conduct.
Legally, the matter is clear. The teacher has since appeared before the Harare Magistrates Court, facing rape and sexual assault charges.
Prosecutors allege that the minor was lured and sexually exploited, and that the act was unlawful given that the age of consent in Zimbabwe is 18.
Bail was reportedly denied, partly over concerns of flight risk, as investigations continue.
And yet, despite the seriousness of the allegations and the legal clarity, what dominated public discourse was not outrage. It was celebration.
Across social media, from South Africa to Nigeria to Kenya, many people praised the boy’s “steadiness,” his “competence.” Some joked openly that they would not mind such an experience themselves. Men, in particular, compared, competed, and boasted.
From the comment sections alone, the dominant narrative was unmistakable; the boy had “outperformed” grown men.
What was completely lost was a simple fact; that a child had been sexually violated.
So I asked myself: why were sections of the African internet celebrating a 16-year-old being raped?
What if the roles were reversed? Would this be a laughing matter? Would people joke about a 16-year-old girl’s “performance”? Would anyone dare say they wanted a piece of the action?
Or would there be global condemnation, identity reveal, public outrage, and justified fury?
It is this double standard that makes it difficult to fight gender-based violence. Because the GBV we seem willing to confront is only the kind perpetrated against women, not all genders.
This is also why men and boys rarely come forward. Their violation becomes a joke. If this boy were to speak publicly, he would likely downplay it. He might say he enjoyed it. He might say it was not a problem. He might even say he did not know it was wrong.
But ignorance is not the standard. Due diligence is.
We have heard this argument before, when men claim a girl “looked older,” that she was underage but appeared mature. Courts have consistently rejected that excuse.
Also Read: Women Empowerment in West African States: Milestones, Reforms and Breaking Barriers
The responsibility lies with the adult to ensure they are not engaging sexually with a minor, whether that minor is a girl or a boy.
And yet, during the very weeks meant for reflection, advocacy, and accountability, we collectively laughed at the violation of a boy child.
Why Ignoring Violence Against Boys Undermines the Fight Against GBV
That hypocrisy waters down the entire purpose of the 16 Days of Activism. It makes one question whether we are serious about ending GBV, or only certain versions of it.
There is another uncomfortable truth we must confront. Trauma that is mocked or ignored does not disappear. Unacknowledged trauma does not disappear; it mutates.
Also Read: Gender-Based Violence Is Not a Women’s Issue – But Are Men the Problem?
Boys who are taught to laugh off violation often grow into men who struggle with anger, confusion, and silence. With no safe spaces, no language, and no support, the damage festers.
And too often, when it finally erupts, an innocent person, frequently a woman, pays the price for a wound she did not cause. This is not an excuse but a warning.
So here is the challenge, to activists, to the media, and to all of us. Until our activism can sit with uncomfortable victims, until our outrage applies even when the victim is male, and until we stop laughing when boys are violated, we are not serious about ending gender-based violence.
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