With the Valentine’s Day beckoning in the background, talks of love, affection and expectations become the song of the day. In Kenya-similar to much of the world- this day equals the demonstrations of love, gifts and romantic occurrences.
However, dynamics around Valentine’s Day in Kenya often differ from the conventional norms hence raising questions on what the value of this celebration in relationships is.
Traditionally, Valentine’s Day is viewed as a day when love between partners is celebrated through mutual expressions.
However, to most women in Kenya, the broad perception is that Valentine’s Day is basically a day when men can show love and shower them with gifts.
This convoluted perspective, derived from societal expectations combined with cultural influences places an inordinate amount of pressure on the men to then arrange grand gestures of love, more often than not straining relationships because of completely unrealistic expectations.
Valentine’s Day Expectations Effects
A WhatsApp message from a viewer revealed the strain these expectations can put on relationships.
Njogu, not his real name, shared his dilemma of contemplating a breakup due to the incessant demands from his girlfriend.
Her insistence on a grand Valentine’s Day celebration had left him feeling overwhelmed, questioning the sustainability of the relationship.
As I probed deeper into people’s sentiments, a common theme emerged – men expressing their lack of readiness for Valentine’s Day.
On the flip side, my direct messages were flooded with ladies articulating their expectations and desires for the day. It seemed like a stark contrast in perspectives, pointing towards a potential misunderstanding between the genders when it comes to Valentine’s Day.
This becomes evident in conversations with people from all over the country since Valentine’s Day is an inherently trying day in every relationship.
On one hand, it intensifies the pressure on some partners to impress their mates with grand gestures and acts of love beyond their means. It is, therefore, a challenge to go about these expectations as Njogu did of which he felt the need to end a relationship with his partner due to her demands of grand gestures.
Call for Change in Valentines Day Celebrations
However, among these differences of gender disparities in the expectations, a call for a paradigm shift in the celebrations of Valentine’s Day crops up.
More rather than subjecting to the narrow and traditional lines of gendered roles where men are tasked to making women feel special, more people are growing in believing it should be an appreciation day where both sides contribute to make the other side feel well-valued on that particular day.
After all, Valentine’s Day is supposed to celebrate love and create bonds between partners. It should not just turn out into a day of expectation hanging on one partner.
It should instead be a channel through which both partners are enabled to express their love as meaning- and relationship- sustaining.
Also Read: Is She a ‘Ni Sawa’ Person or Does She Say, ‘Let’s Fix This’?
As such, this can be effected through good communication and understanding of the interests that exist between partners.
With this mindset, it shouldn’t be too difficult for both parties to feel free to express what they expect from each other as well as their limitations without being judged or being pressurized.
It is a fact that gifts of affection need not to be over-the-moon costly or astronomically lavish to feel loved but should instead be approached based on emotion and as a show of affection.
Also Read: Embracing Love Beyond Tribe; Breaking Cultural Norms for a Unified Future
How to Celebrate
With Valentine’s Day right around the corner, it is high time we question over-the-top frills in love celebrations and aim straight for a more wholesome and unifying approach to them.
We should accept the fact that love has no gender, and the day’s true meaning lies in expressing affection and love towards each other.
Therefore, Valentine’s Day in Kenya, and the world for that matter, should redefine a celebration of love that is not limited by gender stereotyping and expectations.
It should be a day that both partners give out expressions of affection and appreciation and in return, it strengthens and makes the relationship more meaningful.
So, embrace Valentine’s Day as the day of love and unity and mutual respect where both parties play an active role in making this special.
The writer Brian Magiri is a journalism and Mass Communication Student at Mount Kenya University.
